FRESH
YARN PRESENTS: Warnings
and Disclaimers
By
J.B. Rabin
The
following essay, hereafter referred to as "The Essay," is for entertainment
purposes only. The views and opinions expressed therein are those of the author,
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consents to all of the afore- and below-mentioned terms. The
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McConaughey, will be considered an unauthorized usage of The Essay. All other
rights reserved. Reading
The Essay while operating heavy machinery -- such as a forklift, back hoe, steam
roller, chop saw, etc. -- or while driving a motor vehicle may lead to personal
injury, especially if the motor vehicle is a Hummer. Going swimming within one
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if The User is dead. Use of The Essay before bed or while under the influence
of certain pharmaceuticals that rhyme with "Nambien" or "Manax"
could have synergistic soporific effects and may lead to personal injury. Excessive
reading of The Essay may result in eyestrain or paper cuts and, thus, protective
covering should be worn at all times. Not doing so may result in personal injury
or death. In the case of Essay-induced ennui, discontinue use of The Essay immediately. Do
not use The Essay on unexplained calf pain. The
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does it promote The South Beach Diet, The Zone Diet, The Atkins Diet, The eDiet,
The Low Carb Diet, whatever Suzanne Somers is shilling, or any other diet that
suggests that the way to health is anything other than getting off your lazy ass
occasionally and eating some vegetables. The
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Essay is not to be construed as a political, religious, spiritual, economic, historical,
moral, or sociological comment, or as a comment on any political, religious, spiritual,
economic, historical, moral or sociological comment. Any personal edification,
inspiration, dissatisfaction, ambivalence, ebullience, torpor, enlightenment,
curiosity, disbelief, or amelioration experienced by The User as a result of reading
The Essay is unintentional and should be disregarded. No
animals were harmed in the making of The Essay. Essay only good while supplies
last. Void where prohibited. *Disclaimer: While
care has been taken to ensure that the information contained in The Essay is accurate,
it is of a general nature and is not intended to be legal advice. The Author,
Editor and Publisher will not be responsible for any loss suffered by any person
that is directly or indirectly attributable to the reliance on the information
contained in The Essay. The Essay is not your mother and, thus, cannot be blamed
for any shortcomings in your life. Read and live at your own risk.
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