|
FRESH
YARN PRESENTS:
An
Open Letter to the Lunesta Butterfly
By
Dena Taylor
 Dear
creepy Lunesta Butterfly Thing:
You scare the shit out of me. I don't know how else to say it but
when I see you flying into people's homes -- innocent people, mind
you -- with your radioactive green contrail, I get chills. It doesn't
make me want to get all fetal, suck my thumb and sleep. It makes
me want to add a panic room on to my apartment, and stock it with
fly swatters and Raid.
When I see you hovering over that seemingly nice lady's face, I
fear for what the television advertisers aren't showing us: your
antennae puncturing her eye sockets and sucking the intelligence
from her brain whilst administering your brand of toxic extraterrestrial
"sleep"-inducing agent. Oh, she'll sleep better alright,
because the part of her brain that helps her hold a job, pay the
bills on time, press the brake at a red light and turn off the stove
is slowly being ingested into a fluorescent winged insect who is
no doubt taking it back to some gigantic moth-like nucleus floating
out in space. I'd sleep better if I were empty-headed, too. Who
wouldn't?
I ask you Lunesta bug -- no, I command you and your fellow antifreeze-infused
floaters -- to leave me alone. I may not always get a good night's
sleep, but I'll take a few toss-and-turns over your blinding (not
to mention outdated) fluorescent green flutter any day. And should
you think otherwise, should you enter my home under the guise of
a doctor's prescription, or a screenless window left open in the
middle of the night, I'll swat you silly. In fact, you should know
that in real life, we humans put screens on our windows to keep
creepy crawlies like you from coming inside. But you knew that didn't
you, you weird little invertebrate. Subliminally suggesting screenless
windows in your ads is all part of your Grand Insect Plan, isn't
it? ISN'T IT?!
Just know that if you dare flap your way into my bedroom, you're
one swift swipe away from being crushed in an anti-bacterial handiwipe
and flushed down the toilet with some of my own toxic substances,
if you know what I mean.
Consider
yourself warned, Lunesta McPesta. Consider yourself warned.
Signed,
Awake and Armed in Austin
 -friendly
version for easy reading |
| ©All
material is copyrighted and cannot be reproduced without permission |
|
